The_Grimwitch_Chronicles

This is a chronicle of a young woman who has chronicled her life in notebooks she had made herself and suddenly discovered the availability of Blogs and how she could share a part of her secret self to the virtual community.

2:29 pm

08. Turn of the 3rd Decade of Existence

Posted by Leto of Blood

In retrospect,I think 2006 has been a year of delays and stresses for realizing my true potential. It had been a year of separation for my family - separation from my brother, Body; from memorabilia that celebrated milestones in our lives; from clothes and other stuff that were unknowingly stolen during renovation; from our previous lifestyle. We all had to adjust to my mum's retirement, my new sister-on-law, our new business, and our financial situation.

The first quarter had been the usual routine - working hard to earn enough to pay for utilities and some money to spend for little luxuries (like silver jewelry, shoes, bags and hair accessories). We had a new business venture, a canteen launched before my birthday, that will ensure that my family eats for more than three times a day - something that we were never brought up on. Food had always been scarce for us when we're all in college since we don't eat breakfast for fear of being late for school, we eat very little lunch because we need to save enough money for school expenses and we can't really eat a decent dinner because we're too tired to eat at midnight and would rather sleep or do something relaxing. Along with that canteen came the new house helps, who are either weirdly psychotic or with awesome attitude problems. Body got married in church on a Valentine's day. Before the wedding, we had to ask our relatives to help out with the food and other expenses because we can't afford a grandiose wedding that they have been hankering for. My mum spent most of her money on computers (the one I'm using now), printers, copiers and mobile phones. She busied herself on the canteen, organizing files and of course, cooking food when we got fed up hiring cooks!

The second quarter had been tiring for me since I was working for 48 hours a week for SMCSJ and WJA. Added to that was the stress of my mum preparing for her long awaited trip in the US and Canada. She has been working for so long that going to that place is one of her achievements in life. Living with strangers (the house helps) is an adjustment that we all had to make. My dad, with his sarcasm and ironic sense of humor, have been making it difficult to make these house helps stay for more than a month. It's hell when I have to start training new personnel for the canteen every other month. I'm thankful that my boyfriend can put up with my tantrums during these times. I know how I can be such a pain in the ass.My boyfriend and I celebrated our 9th year of Visita Iglesia, with prayers and hopes of a brighter future for the both of us. When my Bo's birthday arrived, it felt so weird celebrating it without him. He was my pet, a frequent recipient of "blessings" from me (free cinema tickets, occasional fine dining, clothes, shoes, bags, etc.) and he was gone. I think I've been jealous of his new family because I had been his confidante and adviser but now, I'm a deleterious sister he despises like pestilence. He has changed and he has aged. I miss my brother and I hate to see him live his life like that.

Third quarter was the most traumatic period for me and my siblings. With my mum gone and having fun somewhere in North America, we have to put up with the recent renovation of the house, the business space and managing the canteen. Most of our stuff are (still)wrapped and hauled on a makeshift trailer. Then, major devastating storms, thieving construction workers, and nasty pests destroyed our precious possessions and along with it, memories when we had a normal life. We had to sleep on hammocks because the floor is flooded and slippery.We had to be content with modest clothing since we can't choose what we want to wear and some have already been stolen by the construction workers who are working on our house. I also had to contend with my father asking money for construction costs and balancing the budget for other house utilities. I was forbidden to tell my mum really bad stuff about what happened to our books, pictures and memorabilia since it would definitely break her heart and her savings. My boyfriend and I busied ourselves getting documents to migrate to Australia for good. We both plan to get married a year after staying there and saving up for the wedding of our dreams.

The last quarter was a little better than the horrendous previous quarter. My mum returned from the Americas with souvenir photos, lots of clothing from relatives and friends, chocolates from duty free and a little poorer than the usual. We had to put up with her endless stories about life in the U.S. of A and Canada. She liked her stay with friends and relatives. She would've stayed if she got hired there. It would've been better that way because when she got back, she saw the house is total chaos. We all thought she'd break down, luckily, she did not. She took it in stride. She managed to pull off a successful hermana mayora -ship of the parochial fiesta and still live off her pension from the bank. Our Christmas and New Year's Eve aren't that grand as with our previous years. My sister and brother's family didn't spend them with us, which caused my parents to feel a little lonely without them. My married siblings tried to make up for that by being present at reunions and family functions during the holidays. However, it breaks my heart to see my parents' eyes linger longingly as their cars drive away and my nephews waving like there's no tomorrow at their grandparents sitting under the mango tree.

They say I'm lucky to have the gift of foresight, to tell what the future holds with a flip of my contraptions(tarot cards/runes/dice), to be receptive to changes...but am I Fate that can truly dictate what destiny lies in wait for this year? I am, like other mere mortals, pray for a better tomorrow while savoring today and learning from the past.

Numerology states that I'm lucky this year since it's my 30th year. I'm a Fire Snake and a mutable watery Pisces...contrasting fortunes are predicted for me. All I know is that my choices affect the fate I hold.

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6:13 pm

07. Caste System of Siblings by Birth Right

Posted by Leto of Blood

It's been a long time before I have ever managed to update my blog. I guess I'm too busy working. Too much of it made me a dull witch. Why so? I have this very bad habit of bringing work home and it disrupts everything that I intend to do when I get home.

I think I'm luckier than most of my siblings because I was never told to do any chore at home. Nothing is expected of me. I come home whenever I please, play with my dogs or just stay in my room after coming from work. I'd eat after I have cooked whatever I want. I take it as privilege of being first born. My youngest brother would always complain how I get away with it. For example, my dad would ask me to take out the trash. I would look for someone other than my sibling to do it for me, like the housemaid. If no one is around, the youngest sibling that I'd see would do it for me. In our house, I do the light stuff: massaging my mum's forehead until she sleeps, combing my dad's gray hair until he sleeps, giving "reality checks" to the nuisance that surrounds any of my family members, going to the bank or paying the utilities (credit cards or phone bills). I think that's the benefit of working hard - you have enough money to pay for the life you want to live.

That's what I always say to my youngest sibling, especially when he complains about the injustice of it all. But I try to make up for all his hard labor and patience. We often go out to eat, especially on pay day. When he decided that he does not want to have the typical "Saint Clair" tummy - bulging even in famine, he got into buying tight fitting shirts so that our other brothers won't bother to wear it.

Right now, I'm very happy that we have an internet connection that will enable me to blog all my free hours at home. Hooray!

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6:30 pm

05. Retro-Shopping and Etiquette

Posted by Leto of Blood

When I was a child (way back in the 80's), our mum usually takes me and my siblings to a popular spot (the term "mall" wasn't that popular during those days...but yes, it was a mall prototype) in Makati every weekend after church or medical/dental check-up. It's either to shop for stuff that we'd be using for school the coming week or dine at restaurants that were usually featured in high society magazines or buy food or other supplies for the household.

At first, I thought it was the norm for parents to bring their children to social spots but as we grew older, mum made us feel it's directly proportional to their income. That means, if dad doesn't send us (that time, my dad was on the forefront being an OFW in Libya working for Ericcson Telecoms) more that enough for the household budget, the less we experience going to that spot. Mum really doesn't enjoy going out of the house on weekends because it's the only she can rest at home - but sacrifices because she has an objective in mind in bringing us to Makati's premier social spot: to teach us the rigors of etiquette and social interactions.

Middle class children like us back then have very little time to socialize with the people of the other classes. It's all routine: house-school-house on weekdays and house-church-house on weekends...except when mum tells us it's time to go to Makati for shopping. We always look forward to that. We wear our Sunday's best - which was logical because we usually come from church before we go there. Greenbelt was THE place to be - well, that's where the restaurants usually are when we dine out. Most of the time, it's either national bookstore (for our school stuff) or Ansons (for replacing electronic gadgets that whoever our househelp that time broke) or Makati supermarket (for our household supplies) or Rustans for our clothes.

Except for groceries, mum really asks us what we want. If it passes her fancy (but actually, more on her budget), we go for it. Otherwise, she merely brought us to carry lighter packages. She'd bribe us with lunch before she could make us do it so we eat out every time.

If she's in a tight budget, we'll go to our favorite food chain. Jollibee was virtually unknown to us so we'd always go to KFC (Kentucky Fried Chicken). That time, KFC wasn't the fast food type of service. I remember eating buns instead of rice when we buy the bucket. Actually, there were no bucket meals during that time so what I'm referring to is the real KFC bucket original recipe chicken (16 pieces) which is served with real warm gravy, coleslaw and buns. If we're well behaved, mum buys us the chocolate mousse for dessert. She'd teach us how to eat properly - like, not to make noisy chewing noises, holding the plastic utensils properly so it won't break, sipping drinks without the slurp, wiping the mouth after eating really oily food, etc.

If there's a special occasion (like we got a medal for academics or birthdays), we try out fine dining. The Jade Garden is where she'd take us for chinese food. She tried teaching us how to eat using chopsticks (even with rice!) but as young as I am that time, what's the point of eating with sticks when you can request for a spoon? There's Kimpura - a Japanese restaurant (also in Makati) where they cook your food in front of you - like the Shabu shabu restaurants do now. It was an amazing experience watching the chef do all the theatrics just cooking your fried rice: makes you wonder why mum looks bored when cooking our food. It was like our big final test when she took pains teaching us dining etiquette at the executive dining room of the Asian Development Bank.

If she wants to watch a movie, we'd go to the Quad cinema if it's a foreign flick - which is what she always makes us watch. Sometimes our older cousins who works at the Cucina Italiana brings us there. If it's locally made, we watch it at the ABC theater in Guadalupe. Most of the time, its ABC with her especially when we're to old to watch Disney movies.

If we buy a lot of stuff, we get to ride a taxi. That time, Metro Manila has two types of taxi - the airconditioned ones and the ones that rely on air alone. Airconditioned taxis are really expensive (the flag down rate is Php 2.50 if I remember it right) where ordinary taxis are cheaper. Personally, I like the ones with no aircon. I love it when a gently breeze blows wisps of long bangs on my forehead - covering my face entirely ala horror movie antagonist.

Going home was a relief for all of us, especially my siblings, because it's when we remove the airs we put on when we're in the metro. We throw all our cares and do what children usually do - play, fight, make up and eat food noisily...but of course, that happens when mum isn't around.

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1:08 am

04. What's Christmas without the Carols?

Posted by Leto of Blood

As our dad is a devotee of the Black Nazarene and our mum a faithful Marian follower, it is but natural for my sister Lilith and I to spend our adolescent Christmases in the church of the Cute Monkeys (or worse, Cash Muna), a stone's throw from our high school.

We belong to the M.U.S.I.C. (Ministry of the United Students in Christ) Choral group of the parish. Since most of the parishioners are student transients who return to their provinces on Christmas Break, it was up to our group to sing the Christmas dawn masses for 9 days straight. Usually, the student transient members would attend the first 2 or 3 masses because it's their prelim week before the Christmas break. The night before they return to their province, the choir usually holds its Christmas party where we eat (potluck, in times of drought - which was very rare), play parlor games and of course, exchange gifts. After that, we would go to the carnival along Roxas Boulevard and stay there until it's time for Simbang Gabi. We would get on scary rides and shout our lungs out of excitement and anticipation (to the dismay of our choir master!). We would take lots of pictures to cherish when they've gone to their families in the provinces.

Most of us left for the holidays are teenagers who dreaded walking to church on a chilly dark December morning. The Misa de Gallo also involved hours of practice at the back chapel (which also served as a mortuary for the faithful departed) and nightly rehearsals at the darkened closed church. To sing for the dawn masses also meant that you will not be seated with your relatives or friends or sleep in between songs because the choir sits very near the pulpit where the priest gives his homily. Although we would have like to sleep a little longer during the chilly nights and be late, we think about the lengthy scoldings we will definitely get from the priest, the choir master and of course, the lectors AFTER the mass.

Despite the consequences, my sister and I never fail to miss any of the Misa de Gallo we had during those times. Many people believe that if one completes the Simbang Gabi, their petitions will come true. So far, so good...we've never missed a Simbang Gabi when we were still with the choir. We pitied the people who had to stand the whole hour for the mass while we are seated comfortably near the altar. Church devotees sponsor delicious breakfasts after the mass like hot porridge with boiled eggs and cold orange juice, rice cakes and ginger ale, or hot chocolate with suman. Charitable priests would often share with us fruits or sweets given to them during offertory. We could chat animatedly with our choir mates until the 6AM bell from the high school rang. We also enjoy the privilege of receiving the Eucharist before the entire laity lines up in front of the priest. My sister fondly remembers how traditional Philippine Christmas carols will play an hour before the mass. We would sing along and if we're in a jolly mood, deliver a full choral rendition of the song - to the delight of the early church goers and our choir master.

Our routine during the Christmas break would typically start after the mass. My sister and I would go home (as stealthily as we could)and raid the fridge before our brothers wake up for breakfast. My mum usually has a hidden stash from their office commissary: cartons of imported Australian chocolate milk, danish cookies and Swiss chocolates. Later on, after eating our fill, we would go back to bed and sleep until it's lunch time. One of us would do mundane household chores (doing the dishes or the laundry) or tend the family store. We prefer the latter but it depends on who wakes up first. Around 6PM, our choir mates will fetch us from the store for choir practice. If the mass sponsors are extravagant, our dinner would be in between practice. Dinner would consist of a cup of rice, some meat and vegetables and juice. If the sponsor is a cheapskate, no dinner until choir practice is finished. We would eat at home, digest our meals while watching some holiday TV show and sleep early after we've set the alarm clock at 3AM. We would wake up around 3AM and wash our face (we cannot take a bath...water is freezing cold!). We would grab a bite of chocolate and wash it down with a little water. We change our clothes and rush out of the house in the dark streets of Ermita. Before, we would get scared walking by ourselves. Eventually, since we would meet our choir mates along the way, we were comforted by the thought that we will meet them before we get to church. Our choir master would have us vocalize before the mass before, but eventually, he would just practice the song line-up and of course, the responsorial psalm soloist for the day. Then there would be the mass, where we usually fight the urge to sleep, and after we hear the priest's final blessing - our stomachs are already grumbling. Then there is eating and socializing time. Lilith and I will get to stare openly at the cute altar boy who assisted father or we get to small talk the handsome lector of the first reading or we would just talk about the food we're eating.

A day before the high mass, we would practice the whole day at the back chapel. Food and drinks would be supplied abundantly. By the time we get home, it's already dark and almost everybody in our house would have been asleep. Although tired, we look forward for the last Simbang Gabi. It meant no more waking up in the wee hours of the night to get to church on time but that also meant less fridge raiding.

Catholic church high masses are full of glamor and splendor. It gives me the goosebumps just to witness it. Christmas masses are not as spectacular as the Easter mass but nevertheless more joyful. You get to see people wearing their newest, most fabulous clothes that they could buy/been given/got for free. Children, as small as dolls, tag along with their parents sleepily. Teenagers fashionably grunge, stand with their fellows at the aisles or teeter close to the church doors for a quick smoke. Families come in complete attendance (which makes me wonder, who gets to guard the dining table laden with Noche Buena?). Although the high mass is longer than the usual mass, you'll be impressed with the devotion that people in the parish show in singing along with the choir, responding to the psalms and interacting with the priests and lectors.

Hohum...(Sniffle!)

It'll be 4 days before Christmas Eve in the Philippines. The choir has long been disbanded. Our choir master has migrated to Italy. My sister and I won't have any fridge to raid. We have missed too many Simbang Gabi to ever have any of the wishes come true. The priests from the Cute Monkey congregation are not the ones we grew up with. Some of our choir mates have gone abroad. One had already died of cancer. Many were already married with families and friends of their own - the MUSIC Ministry, a dream from the past.

Here I am, typing away at the still of this chilly December night. Christmas, I guess, will never be as fun as it was when we still attended the choir of the Cute Monkey parish.

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4:28 pm

03. Sudden Marriage for Unplanned Pregnancies?

Posted by Leto of Blood

I am the eldest child in a brood of five and as typical traditional Filipino family, the eldest child is expected to help run the household along with the parents. Look at my photograph, do I look like a solemn, rule-stricken eldest sister.

I am not that typical eldest child because, first and foremost, my Bozanian passion have made it near impossible for me to get a permanent and well paying job - which made me an entrepreneur (tutorial services are my forte) when (sh)it happens. I do help out financially in running our household but my handicap involves doing household chores which I totally detest (but I do know how to do). Secondly, I am not the standard for good morals and right conduct because I have such a bad temper and a sharp tongue which makes me prone for trouble and all sorts of mischief. Finally, I do not conform to rules and regulations that I do not think necessary for my existence..which means that I follow my own rules

Despite of that, I try to make sure that I know what goes on in my other siblings lives and I do try to help them the best way I can. Its just that sometimes, despite of my good intentions, I have always been mistaken for someone with ulterior motives. It must be how they percieve me in the sordid past that makes me look like an incorrigible person

But what has been bugging me this past few years is the fact that my younger sister and brother have had no qualms at all in marrying that early.

Don't get me wrong but I think to marry after getting a university degree is not the best year for someone to get hitched in a commitment instituted marriage! I cannot imagine how one could ever realize his/her full potential in a chosen career without the pressures marriage can bring to an individual. For men, it has always been on trying to find a company that gives out stable and substantial salary. For women, it has to be a job that provides maternal benefits in less than 6 months and would have to be near their residence. Analyze that! Most companies here in the Philippines give salaries a bit higher than the factory workers for new graduates - particularly to fresh graduates who aren't that stellar in their resumes and/or transcripts. Besides, the trend being done by companies in the Philippines is that they employ on a contractual basis which means, salaries may be substantial but not stable. Aside from that, new graduates should expect plenty of overtime work that is a bit over than the usual hourly rate (if you're lucky!). This could put such a strain in their relationship because either one of the partner is too tired to help out or they are just too tired to care. Woe to expectant mothers and father, ain't it? Maternal benefits aren't given to new employees (unless they are employed in decent companies who truly pay the SSS and PhilHealth on time) until they have been deemed regular employees. There is also a stipulated time of a month where a young mother (and still a contractual worker with SSS benefits) can take care of her young and receive some sort of monetary pay. After a month she is expected to come back to work or else terminated immediately. No work means less food on the table and how does a young couple make ends meet? The poor infant had to be taken care of by an ignorant yaya or a well-meaning relative so that the mother could work despite the dicomfort of leaking breasts and a still painful after birth scar. What would become of the child that is weaned on thawed breastmilk and sometimes milk formula? Residence is another problem. Finding one near the office takes some skill and of course, financial dexterity. Initial problem involves the deposit and advance that most landlords ask from their tenants and of course the utilities that come along with a rented house. Juggling the budget will take its toll on the young couple that has to sacrifice (a lot!) in the name of love and marriage

I am 28 years old but I never would dream of such problems besetting me when I get married. I am quite fortunate that I have a self-monitoring uterus that in spite of the sexual activity that I engage in with my boyfriend of 8 years (we've just had our anniversary) we still manage to enjoy singlehoods perks. Sometimes, we do get pangs of envy whenever we see our nephews but the benefits outweigh the envy we feel. We do intend to marry in two years time but we want to give our children (if we still manage to have one) a better life than what we had.

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